1
00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:06,823
Hey, Michael, who was that girl last night?

2
00:00:07,223 --> 00:00:08,385
I wasn't with a girl.

3
00:00:08,465 --> 00:00:10,867
No, no, no, the one I brought home. I can never remember her name.

4
00:00:17,635 --> 00:00:20,958
There he is: the star of the new show, Deep Powder.

5
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,962
Bobbie, hi. Come on in.

6
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,765
Wow! What are you doing here?

7
00:00:26,885 --> 00:00:30,409
How would you like to go to Las Vegas and be a celebrity judge?

8
00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:32,892
It would be great publicity for your new show.

9
00:00:33,012 --> 00:00:35,655
Oh, Bobbie, I told you I don't want to do stuff like that anymore.

10
00:00:35,775 --> 00:00:38,017
-It's a beauty pageant.
- Anything for the show.

11
00:00:39,579 --> 00:00:41,661
It's Miss Southwestern USA,

12
00:00:42,022 --> 00:00:44,184
but they need you to leave for Las Vegas tonight.

13
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:44,985
Tonight?

14
00:00:45,185 --> 00:00:46,787
Well, you weren't their first choice.

15
00:00:48,429 --> 00:00:49,510
Oh, okay, all right, fine.

16
00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:51,152
Uh, what's involved in judging?

17
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,034
You have to look at beautiful women

18
00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:55,036
and rate them on a scale of one to ten.

19
00:00:55,476 --> 00:00:56,918
Can you do that, Joey?

20
00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,961
I'll give it a try.

21
00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:01,923
Okay, this is great!

22
00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:04,286
But, uh, why did you come by to ask me? You could've just called.

23
00:01:04,366 --> 00:01:07,610
Well, I like to give my clients the personal atten... Michael!

24
00:01:09,972 --> 00:01:11,454
You are here.

25
00:01:12,014 --> 00:01:13,336
Oh, gosh, uh...

26
00:01:13,897 --> 00:01:16,419
Well, you're filling out nicely.

27
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,383
Couple more months, and you'll be ready.

28
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:25,589
Um, okay. You know what? Thanks for stopping by, Bobbie. Here you go.

29
00:01:25,629 --> 00:01:26,510
All right.

30
00:01:29,914 --> 00:01:30,915
Oh, yeah.

31
00:01:36,321 --> 00:01:36,802
You know...

32
00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:41,006
- part of me thinks I should just...
- She would eat you alive.

33
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:49,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

34
00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,008
I'm going to make a great judge.

35
00:02:19,529 --> 00:02:20,049
Seven.

36
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:22,171
Six.

37
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,095
Ooh, four.

38
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,618
Aw, what a cute puppy.

39
00:02:29,019 --> 00:02:29,980
Eight.

40
00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:32,423
- Hey.
- Hey.

41
00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:34,064
So, you ready for your beauty pageant?

42
00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:35,987
Yeah, I'm really excited, you know?

43
00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,349
I've never been in a position before where my opinion mattered.

44
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:40,512
My judgment could change someone's life.

45
00:02:40,712 --> 00:02:42,434
Joey, it's just a beauty pageant.

46
00:02:43,275 --> 00:02:44,796
You bite your tongue.

47
00:02:44,796 --> 00:02:49,001
You are talking about the Miss Southwest... something-something-something.

48
00:02:50,242 --> 00:02:52,365
Wow, didn't know you were taking it so seriously.

49
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,447
Well, yeah. This is a big step for me, you know?

50
00:02:54,527 --> 00:02:56,849
It says I'm a part of the community of celebrities.

51
00:02:57,130 --> 00:02:59,853
You know, it says that I can be trusted to judge fairly.

52
00:02:59,973 --> 00:03:01,975
It says that Corbin Bernsen dropped out last minute.

53
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:02,896
It does say that.

54
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:05,219
Hey, guys.

55
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:07,581
I think this is for you. Someone left it by my door by mistake.

56
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,304
Oh, this must be my V.I.P. packet for Vegas.

57
00:03:10,665 --> 00:03:11,946
Oh, why you going to Vegas?

58
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:12,987
I'm judging a beauty pageant.

59
00:03:13,107 --> 00:03:13,908
Ugh.

60
00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:14,869
What?

61
00:03:14,989 --> 00:03:17,592
My sister did pageants. I find them degrading to women.

62
00:03:17,953 --> 00:03:19,634
- Aw, you jealous of her?
- Very.

63
00:03:21,557 --> 00:03:24,280
Oh, my God, there's some great stuff in here.

64
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,281
Whoa, what'd you get?

65
00:03:25,441 --> 00:03:26,722
I don't know if I can share this with you.

66
00:03:26,842 --> 00:03:30,566
This is a V.I.P. packet. You guys are just R.F.s: regular folk.

67
00:03:33,289 --> 00:03:36,573
Ooh, comped room, free buffet,

68
00:03:37,574 --> 00:03:39,857
front row seats to a Celine Dion concert.

69
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:43,941
You don't really like her, do you?

70
00:03:44,061 --> 00:03:47,305
No, no, I just like to go to her concerts as a joke

71
00:03:47,385 --> 00:03:50,228
with a bunch of other hilarious people that I met on her Web site.

72
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:53,592
Well, you can have these, if you want.

73
00:03:53,752 --> 00:03:57,236
Really? Wait a minute. Is this a prank?

74
00:03:57,396 --> 00:03:59,638
Did Sheila from Team Celine put you up to this?

75
00:04:01,961 --> 00:04:03,362
No, really. You can have the tickets.

76
00:04:03,923 --> 00:04:05,885
I can't believe you like Celine Dion.

77
00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:08,568
Oh, what? I'm sorry it not Whitesnake.

78
00:04:08,688 --> 00:04:09,850
You got a problem with Whitesnake?

79
00:04:09,890 --> 00:04:11,171
Okay, all right, okay.

80
00:04:11,892 --> 00:04:14,575
No one is looking good here, all right?

81
00:04:14,735 --> 00:04:17,298
Oh, and Alex, if you want to catch a ride with me, I'm leaving in an hour.

82
00:04:17,418 --> 00:04:19,100
Okay, great! I'll go pack.

83
00:04:21,743 --> 00:04:24,225
Wait a second! Why does she get to go to Vegas and I don't?

84
00:04:24,466 --> 00:04:25,787
No one said you couldn't go.

85
00:04:25,907 --> 00:04:28,150
Why is anger always your first response?

86
00:04:31,033 --> 00:04:32,434
I really don't know.

87
00:04:33,716 --> 00:04:36,359
Look, I have a free suite. Why don't you and Michael join me?

88
00:04:36,439 --> 00:04:37,520
That'd be fun!

89
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,203
Oh, Michael's not gonna want to go. He hates Vegas.

90
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,525
Well, what if we put him in the car and don't give him a choice?

91
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,888
I'm supposed to pick him up from Cal Tech.

92
00:04:45,649 --> 00:04:46,650
We should kidnap him!

93
00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:48,652
- Oh, yeah, let's do that.
- All right!

94
00:04:49,012 --> 00:04:51,055
This is really exciting. We're really gonna go.

95
00:04:51,615 --> 00:04:53,057
Wait-- I'm not dressed for Vegas.

96
00:04:53,257 --> 00:04:55,700
Gina, you're always dressed for Vegas.

97
00:05:06,231 --> 00:05:07,673
Okay, just so you guys know,

98
00:05:07,793 --> 00:05:09,034
'cause we've got a long drive ahead of us,

99
00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:10,876
when you throw trash out of the car,

100
00:05:10,957 --> 00:05:12,678
it just comes back here and hits me in the face.

101
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,802
Ooh, there's Michael.

102
00:05:15,922 --> 00:05:17,243
We shouldn't tell him we're going to Vegas.

103
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,965
Let's think of a place he'll want to go.

104
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:21,408
Ooh-ooh-- let's tell him we're going to get ice cream.

105
00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:24,171
No, no, no-- then he'll be really mad when he finds out we're not.

106
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:27,495
Now I'm mad we're not getting ice cream.

107
00:05:28,976 --> 00:05:31,259
Hey, why are you guys all picking me up?

108
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,302
And why are you grinning like idiots?

109
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:36,785
He's on to us! Drive!

110
00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:52,162
Oh, my God. I can't believe we're here.

111
00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:55,565
Joey, come on. We're inside. Take off the glasses.

112
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:59,410
Hey, hey-- I am here as a celebrity judge. Celebrity!

113
00:06:00,891 --> 00:06:02,934
Okay, people expect a certain flair, all right?

114
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:06,898
The sunglasses say, "You may not know who I am but, yeah, it's me."

115
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:09,901
All right, fine.

116
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:12,104
Well, I better get to my concert.

117
00:06:12,224 --> 00:06:15,507
I can't believe I'm gonna see Celine. It's like seeing the Beatles!

118
00:06:15,587 --> 00:06:18,270
Yeah, except she's like a bony-chested French-Canadian

119
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,992
you want to punch in the face.

120
00:06:20,753 --> 00:06:21,354
Oh, really?

121
00:06:21,474 --> 00:06:25,638
I can't remember what state-of-the-art theater was built in Vegas for Whitesnake!

122
00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:26,920
Is that Celine?

123
00:06:29,763 --> 00:06:31,125
All right! Vegas!

124
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,649
Wow, those girls are hot.

125
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,812
Hey, hey, hey, that is for me to judge.

126
00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:40,655
You're gonna have a fun weekend.

127
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,458
No, no, no. The rules say I can't fraternize with the girls.

128
00:06:43,538 --> 00:06:44,820
I need to be impartial.

129
00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:47,583
Otherwise, it would be unfair to the show's producers, the contestants,

130
00:06:48,063 --> 00:06:50,185
and the good people at Mike's Hard Lemonade and Spike TV.

131
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:53,629
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, there you are.

132
00:06:53,669 --> 00:06:55,231
Think we're gonna have some fun in Vegas?

133
00:06:55,391 --> 00:06:57,674
I don't think so. I'm just going to go up to the room and study.

134
00:06:58,034 --> 00:07:00,196
I know y didn't want to come, but you're gonna have a good time.

135
00:07:00,357 --> 00:07:01,318
Will you let me go to the room?

136
00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,479
No, you're not going anywhere.

137
00:07:02,599 --> 00:07:04,361
Now, stop sulking and take off that stupid hat.

138
00:07:04,521 --> 00:07:06,804
Hey, nice to see you again, sir.

139
00:07:08,285 --> 00:07:10,007
- Who was that?
- I have no idea.

140
00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:11,689
Welcome back, sir. We've missed you.

141
00:07:14,252 --> 00:07:15,053
What's going on?

142
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:17,295
How come more people are recognizing you than recognize me?

143
00:07:18,777 --> 00:07:19,778
All right, fine.

144
00:07:20,499 --> 00:07:21,820
I come here, okay? A lot.

145
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:22,461
You do?

146
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:25,184
Yes, I come here with a bunch of my friends from Cal Tech to play blackjack.

147
00:07:25,304 --> 00:07:27,867
We... we count cards. We win a lot of money.

148
00:07:27,987 --> 00:07:29,989
Oh, my God! Michael's interesting.

149
00:07:32,071 --> 00:07:34,634
Don't use my real name. I'm here under an assumed name.

150
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,556
Oh, this is too much. I am not buying it.

151
00:07:36,716 --> 00:07:38,719
Okay, I'll prove it to you.

152
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,081
Hey, Sal.

153
00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:44,405
Hey, Dr. Rodriguez, you shaved your mustache.

154
00:07:44,605 --> 00:07:46,888
Yeah, well, the wife couldn't take it anymore. You know?

155
00:07:48,970 --> 00:07:50,211
Oh, my God.

156
00:07:50,371 --> 00:07:53,695
You have been lying to me and doing shady things in Vegas?

157
00:07:53,815 --> 00:07:55,697
I have never felt closer to you!

158
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,141
I can't believe you count cards.

159
00:07:59,381 --> 00:08:01,183
It's like I got my own Rain Man!

160
00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:04,187
How much is that?

161
00:08:04,747 --> 00:08:06,269
- 50 cents.
- That's spooky.

162
00:08:07,510 --> 00:08:08,591
I want to count cards with you!

163
00:08:08,672 --> 00:08:10,033
Yeah, we got to do this.

164
00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:11,274
No, I don't think that's a good idea.

165
00:08:11,394 --> 00:08:14,037
Come on! We can rip off the casino together. Like a family.

166
00:08:15,239 --> 00:08:17,601
How about this-- let's sleep on it. I'll teach you first thing in the morning.

167
00:08:17,681 --> 00:08:19,083
Oh, yeah, that's actually for the best.

168
00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:20,965
Yeah, I have an early pageant meeting.

169
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:22,807
Gotta get some rest. You know, go to bed.

170
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,929
- Were you on Days of Our Lives?
- With her.

171
00:08:35,701 --> 00:08:36,582
Welcome.

172
00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:40,226
Hi, Joey Tribbiani, long-time pageant fan, first-time judge.

173
00:08:41,227 --> 00:08:43,029
Well, I'm Jerry, the pageant producer.

174
00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:45,632
Oh, hey, sorry I'm a little late. I had kind of a crazy night.

175
00:08:45,912 --> 00:08:47,915
But it's not going to interfere with my judging duties.

176
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,676
I am so honored to be here.

177
00:08:49,757 --> 00:08:54,001
To me, there is no more noble endeavor than rating hot chicks.

178
00:08:55,843 --> 00:08:56,564
Watch...

179
00:08:58,046 --> 00:08:58,726
Four.

180
00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:00,689
- That's my wife.
- Out of five.

181
00:09:02,611 --> 00:09:05,814
So, Jerry... I want to introduce you to Bob Saget.

182
00:09:06,014 --> 00:09:08,777
This is Joey Tribbiani. He's another one of our celebrity judges.

183
00:09:09,378 --> 00:09:12,181
Wow, Bob Saget!

184
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,583
I don't like to be touched.

185
00:09:16,786 --> 00:09:18,148
So... wow... we're judging this together?

186
00:09:18,268 --> 00:09:19,669
I'm on the same level as you?

187
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,992
Well, that depends. How much you getting paid for this?

188
00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:23,754
You're getting paid?!

189
00:09:25,516 --> 00:09:26,197
Okay, everybody.

190
00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:30,081
We wanted to take this opportunity to introduce the judges to the finalists.

191
00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:31,482
So here they are.

192
00:09:31,522 --> 00:09:32,924
Miss Tucson...

193
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,966
Miss Santa Fe...

194
00:09:35,727 --> 00:09:36,888
Miss Reno...

195
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:37,809
and Miss Laughlin.

196
00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:40,052
Sorry I'm late. I had a crazy night.

197
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:42,414
Hey, hello again. Nice sash.

198
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,106
Hey, guys, guys.

199
00:09:53,266 --> 00:09:54,628
I just did something bad.

200
00:09:54,708 --> 00:09:55,869
Okay, here's the story.

201
00:09:55,949 --> 00:09:58,352
You were with me till 10:00. Michael, you saw him go to bed at...

202
00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,673
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

203
00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,076
It's nothing like that. I hooked up with one of the contestants.

204
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:04,519
Did any of us think that wasn't gonna happen?

205
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,962
It wasn't my fault! She didn't tell me she was a contestant.

206
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:09,284
Oh, it didn't even come up?

207
00:10:09,404 --> 00:10:11,286
You guys heard every word we said to each other.

208
00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:14,209
Okay? Now I can't be impartial. What am I gonna do?

209
00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:15,931
WeWell, you could resign.

210
00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:19,615
Or, I could hook up with the other four finalists.

211
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:22,939
How is that gonna help?

212
00:10:23,019 --> 00:10:24,541
Well, then none of them will have an advantage.

213
00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:25,502
It'll level the playing field.

214
00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:27,704
- Joey, I got to say...
- Yeah, please.

215
00:10:27,784 --> 00:10:29,066
....that is brilliant!

216
00:10:30,387 --> 00:10:31,508
Yeah, yeah, this is too important.

217
00:10:31,829 --> 00:10:35,112
I have to preserve the integrity of the Miss Southwestern USA Pageant.

218
00:10:35,352 --> 00:10:37,114
By hooking up with all the contestants?

219
00:10:37,475 --> 00:10:41,279
I didn't ask for the solution to this horrible problem to be wonderful, it just is.

220
00:10:44,242 --> 00:10:45,564
Okay. Come on. Teach me this card-counting thing.

221
00:10:45,684 --> 00:10:47,245
All right, here's how it works.

222
00:10:47,406 --> 00:10:49,047
When I want you to come over to the table to start betting,

223
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,409
I'm gonna run my fingers through my hair.

224
00:10:50,569 --> 00:10:52,932
Also, we need a verbal signal for you to stop betting,

225
00:10:53,092 --> 00:10:56,776
so my friends and I usually just work the name of a U.S. president into the conversation.

226
00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:01,061
- So if I say, "Garfield..."
- Cat! Hatondays! Lasagna!

227
00:11:02,302 --> 00:11:03,944
Okay, maybe we'll try something else.

228
00:11:04,384 --> 00:11:06,507
Uh, what's a subject you know a lot about?

229
00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:08,429
Alcohol.

230
00:11:08,469 --> 00:11:09,990
Okay, great, all right.

231
00:11:10,431 --> 00:11:11,872
So I'm gonna mention alcohol, and you stop.

232
00:11:12,113 --> 00:11:13,074
And one more thing.

233
00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:15,156
ke it fast; I'm getting kind of full up here.

234
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:18,760
All right. The pit boss cannot find out that we know each other.

235
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,442
If he does, he'll take us to the back room,

236
00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:22,684
and very, very bad things happen in the back room.

237
00:11:22,845 --> 00:11:23,926
Hey. Okay.

238
00:11:24,086 --> 00:11:26,769
The Miss Southwestern Teen Pageant is in Ballroom B.

239
00:11:26,849 --> 00:11:28,931
I almost just got myself in a lot of trouble.

240
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:34,738
Hi.

241
00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:37,501
I'm Joey Tribbiani, one of the judges.

242
00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:38,902
Nice to meet you.

243
00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:42,386
So, Miss... Reno... where are you from?

244
00:11:44,668 --> 00:11:45,429
Reno.

245
00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:49,193
Okay, this small talk isn't working. I'll cut to the chase.

246
00:11:49,554 --> 00:11:52,517
I assume you want the judging to be fair and impartial?

247
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,598
Of course.

248
00:11:53,678 --> 00:11:54,279
Walk with me.

249
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,283
I'm going to tell you about an interesting way that we can ensure that that happens.

250
00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:02,888
But I was just going over some literature from my platform statement.

251
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,651
Oh, well, let me take a look. What issue have you chosen?

252
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:06,973
Abstinence.

253
00:12:10,257 --> 00:12:14,021
Okay, I'm going to go build a little momentum and then get back to you.

254
00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:22,350
Oh, Debbie, whatever you just said sounds very interesting.

255
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,593
So, you want to come back to my room?

256
00:12:25,754 --> 00:12:26,915
I'd like that.

257
00:12:27,115 --> 00:12:30,439
And you can feel good, because you are ensuring a fair competition.

258
00:12:30,719 --> 00:12:33,282
Competition? What competition?

259
00:12:33,602 --> 00:12:36,846
Are you not in the Miss Southwestern USA beauty Pageant?

260
00:12:37,086 --> 00:12:37,767
No.

261
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,609
Then why did you tell me you were from Tucson?

262
00:12:39,769 --> 00:12:43,093
- Because I am from Tucson.
- Well, this is just great.

263
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,937
Are you coming back to my room or not?

264
00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:50,180
I'm sorry, you seem like a nice girl, but I just don't have time for this.

265
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:51,782
Here here's a pamphlet on abstinence.

266
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:58,790
Miss Albuquerque, Miss Santa Fe, you two are together-- Great!

267
00:12:59,671 --> 00:13:00,952
I'm a little behind schedule

268
00:13:01,032 --> 00:13:02,794
because someone from Tucson just wasted a lot of my time.

269
00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:06,839
So... you two are both New Mexicans, huh?

270
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:07,960
Do you guys like each other?

271
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,161
Yeah.

272
00:13:09,361 --> 00:13:10,723
Really. How much?

273
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,246
Uh, we're actually sharing a room.

274
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,088
That is great news.

275
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,732
Joey, we're a having a special emergency meeting.

276
00:13:18,772 --> 00:13:21,615
There have been some improprieties with contestant-judge relations.

277
00:13:21,695 --> 00:13:22,376
Please come with me.

278
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:27,061
- See you at the pageant.
- I wouldn't bet on it.

279
00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,509
I would just like to remind everyone

280
00:13:34,629 --> 00:13:37,632
that I filled in as a last-minute replacement for Corbin Bernsen,

281
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,115
and I think that that should count for something.

282
00:13:41,557 --> 00:13:43,999
Okay, the reason we're here is that one of the contestants,

283
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,763
Miss Laughlin, has had improper relations with a judge.

284
00:13:47,884 --> 00:13:50,887
Maybe it was an irresistible judge, and no one's at fault.

285
00:13:52,288 --> 00:13:55,011
The rules could not be clearer on this issue.

286
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:59,576
As a result, we are disqualifying Miss Laughlin from the competition,

287
00:13:59,817 --> 00:14:02,099
and we will be passing her name on

288
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:06,384
to the U.S. Council on Beauty Pageants, Dog Shows and Rodeos.

289
00:14:08,546 --> 00:14:09,988
Are you gonna disqualify the judge?

290
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:14,393
Actually, since the pageant is in three hours, we don't have that luxury.

291
00:14:15,274 --> 00:14:16,715
Oh, well, hold on a sec. That doesn't seem fair.

292
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:17,596
That's a double standard.

293
00:14:17,796 --> 00:14:18,477
I'm sorry?

294
00:14:18,597 --> 00:14:22,201
Well, it takes two to tango. The e is just as guilty as she is and...

295
00:14:23,202 --> 00:14:24,524
well, as much as it pains me to say it,

296
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:25,965
if she's gonna go, he should go, too.

297
00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:28,608
I guess you're right.

298
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,811
Bob, I think you should leave.

299
00:14:35,256 --> 00:14:37,018
Nice speech, Gloria Steinem.

300
00:14:39,180 --> 00:14:40,141
Jackass.

301
00:14:46,308 --> 00:14:47,990
- Hey! There you are.
- Hey.

302
00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:49,231
How'd your plan work out?

303
00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:52,515
Ah, well, it turned out that Miss Laughlin, that contestant I slept with,

304
00:14:52,635 --> 00:14:53,956
was even sleazier than me.

305
00:14:55,157 --> 00:14:57,080
And Bob Saget thinks I'm a jackass!

306
00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:00,443
- How's it going with you?
- Oh, great!

307
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,485
I was just taking a little pee break. I gotta get back.

308
00:15:02,606 --> 00:15:05,449
This carunting thing is amazing. We are way ahead.

309
00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:07,171
Oh, really? I wanna come watch.

310
00:15:07,891 --> 00:15:09,013
Oh, okay.

311
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:10,855
But the casino can't know we know each other,

312
00:15:10,935 --> 00:15:14,739
so Michael's "Dr. Rodriguez," and I'm "Victoria from England."

313
00:15:14,819 --> 00:15:16,581
That's why I'm talking in this British accent.

314
00:15:18,263 --> 00:15:19,384
- It's good!
- I know!

315
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:23,388
Welcome back.

316
00:15:23,629 --> 00:15:24,710
Yeah, we missed you, Victoria.

317
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:28,033
And I missed you, Dr. Rodriguez. Now sit up straight.

318
00:15:30,076 --> 00:15:31,677
Hey, y'all. Name's Dusty.

319
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:37,123
Just flew in from Texas, and I got a hankerin' to watch me some blackjack.

320
00:15:37,764 --> 00:15:39,006
Oh, God...

321
00:15:40,848 --> 00:15:42,409
You know what I like about Vegas?

322
00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:44,972
You can sit down at a table full of strangers,

323
00:15:45,332 --> 00:15:47,255
yet they all feel like family.

324
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,577
- Oh! Thanks!
- Not you, sir.

325
00:15:51,219 --> 00:15:53,021
Dealer bust. You win again.

326
00:15:53,742 --> 00:15:56,184
Hi. You're having quite a run of luck tonight.

327
00:15:56,264 --> 00:15:56,745
I know.

328
00:15:57,105 --> 00:16:00,950
- I'm Kevin, the pit boss.
- Really!

329
00:16:02,591 --> 00:16:06,275
Does anyone at this table think I should stop playing and go get some alcohol?

330
00:16:06,436 --> 00:16:08,918
Why don't you just order your drinks from a waitress?

331
00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:10,240
That way you can keeaying,

332
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,562
get a little extra money, and maybe, I don't know,

333
00:16:12,682 --> 00:16:14,845
buy a family member a pinball machine.

334
00:16:17,047 --> 00:16:19,170
I don't know. If the lady wants to leave, Dusty,

335
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:20,251
I think you should let her.

336
00:16:20,411 --> 00:16:23,094
Is anyone talking to you, Dr. Rodriguez?

337
00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:27,298
- Okay, I'm done.
- Wait a minute.

338
00:16:27,579 --> 00:16:28,620
You're not going anywhere...

339
00:16:30,382 --> 00:16:32,384
....without your breakfast voucher.

340
00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:35,107
You've had a great night,

341
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,189
and I hope you come and stay with us again.

342
00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:42,395
Well, adios, muchaco.

343
00:16:44,678 --> 00:16:46,319
Joey! There you are!

344
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,443
I just got back from my third Celine concert. They were identical.

345
00:16:51,165 --> 00:16:53,047
I'm not Joey, I'm Dusty!

346
00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:57,291
Wait a minute. You guys all know each other?

347
00:16:57,532 --> 00:16:58,373
Oh, yeah!

348
00:16:58,453 --> 00:17:01,496
These three troublemakers are my neighbors, back in L.A.

349
00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:05,981
Wow, Gina, you have so many chips.

350
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:08,944
Oh, I bet Michael helped you, 'cause he's such a math genius.

351
00:17:11,107 --> 00:17:14,911
Okay... I want all of you to come with me now to the back room.

352
00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:16,512
Now.

353
00:17:19,356 --> 00:17:22,519
Dag nab it, this sure is one Texas-size mess.

354
00:17:33,771 --> 00:17:35,854
Stay right here. I'll be back.

355
00:17:37,495 --> 00:17:41,139
Is it just me or did that man seem like he was mad at us for something?

356
00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:43,983
We were counting cards.

357
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:45,825
They're gonna, they're gonna kill us.

358
00:17:45,945 --> 00:17:48,387
You guys... I'm freaking out.

359
00:17:48,508 --> 00:17:49,629
It's okay, baby.

360
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:52,472
You wanna know what scared is? Finding out you're pregnant at 16.

361
00:17:52,632 --> 00:17:54,234
That's nothing. You wanna know what scared is?

362
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,237
One time, this big moth almost flew into my mouth!

363
00:17:58,198 --> 00:17:59,440
That does not top my story.

364
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,801
No? Okay.

365
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,404
You guys, what are we gonna do?

366
00:18:04,045 --> 00:18:05,967
Uh... Oh! Oh! I know how we're gonna get out of this.

367
00:18:06,047 --> 00:18:07,969
What, you're gonna sleep with all pit bosses?

368
00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:12,013
No, no. We're gonna pretend to be dumb, okay?

369
00:18:12,093 --> 00:18:13,615
It's something that works for me all the time.

370
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:15,858
Like when a girl catches me with someone else, I just go,

371
00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:19,261
"But baby, I don't understand what the problem is. I thought she was you."

372
00:18:21,263 --> 00:18:23,025
You want them to think we're too stupid to count cards.

373
00:18:23,106 --> 00:18:26,229
Yeah, yeah. Okay, now let me see all of you make a dumb face.

374
00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:30,714
Gina, good-- but you had the shortest distance to travel.

375
00:18:31,955 --> 00:18:33,277
Alex, you're not there.

376
00:18:33,357 --> 00:18:35,319
Imagine Celine said your name on stage.

377
00:18:35,719 --> 00:18:36,320
Perfect!

378
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,443
Okay, Michael, it still looks like there's a light on in there!

379
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:42,247
There you go.

380
00:18:42,647 --> 00:18:45,090
That's what I thought my son would look like.

381
00:18:45,931 --> 00:18:47,612
Okay, okay, dummy up, dummy up.

382
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,741
Look, we know you've been counting cards.

383
00:18:56,582 --> 00:18:57,463
What...?

384
00:18:59,185 --> 00:19:00,907
We've got you on camera.

385
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:01,988
Blugh...?

386
00:19:05,552 --> 00:19:07,274
You guys are in lot of trouble.

387
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,315
But baby...

388
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:10,357
I thought she was you.

389
00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:16,244
Just... please don't do aanything to us.

390
00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:19,968
Look, I've got no choice. Your names are going in the book.

391
00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:21,930
All the casinos are gonna know who you are.

392
00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:23,932
You'll never gamble in this town again.

393
00:19:25,774 --> 00:19:28,537
That's it? You're not gonna break our legs or anything?

394
00:19:29,138 --> 00:19:31,581
I went to the Cornell School of Hotel Management.

395
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,305
You got 30 minutes to check out,

396
00:19:35,665 --> 00:19:37,787
and I never want to see any of your faces around here again.

397
00:19:42,913 --> 00:19:46,517
Okay, 30 minutes, three contestants' room keys and a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade.

398
00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:47,879
See you guys at the car.

399
00:19:48,305 --> 00:19:54,290
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